15 DPO... And CD1. Yep, I got confirmation this morning that I am most certainly not pregnant, weird symptoms be dammed. I actually just felt relief to know one way or the other. It was a long 33 days with all the anxiety and stress of having to navigate around my travel plans, etc.
We are not going to try this month due to timing issues with our upcoming honeymoon. But S helped me figure out that we don't, in fact, have to wait until December. We can try in October without adversely affecting our November travels! I don't know why the possibility hadn't occurred to me before. But I feel relief knowing the next cycle is right around the corner. And in the meantime, I can plan to enjoy my favorite seasonal beer this month: pumpkin ale.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Monday, September 8, 2014
Playing Tricks (Cycle 2, 12 DPO)
Yesterday, at 11 DPO, I woke up first thing in the morning and took a pregnancy test. And it was negative. Yes, it was early - most folks don't recommend testing until at least 12 DPO. But it wasn't so early that I might not have seen the faintest hint of a line if I was, indeed, pregnant. But the testing strip was woefully bare. I crawled back into bed, numb, and slept for another two hours.
It wasn't until much later in the day that the grief started to set in. It was when I was serving Peanut her lunch that I suddenly said to S, "I'm feeling really sad." S confirmed that he was feeling the same way. My eyes filled with tears and I went off to the bathroom to have a little solitary cry. I carried the sadness with me for the rest of the day. It wasn't until S and I really processed it all that night that I started to feel some closure.
And yet, at the same time, I've been having a series of unusual physical experiences for several days. I have been extremely restless and haven't slept well for three nights now - a very rare occurrence for me. I've been feeling weird in my body, nauseous and awkward since last Friday. Food and coffee haven't been sitting right with me. Something has been off. While at work today, I felt sick to my stomach for most of the afternoon. I almost considered going home early. Nothing - not food, water, sweets or tea - made me feel any better.
"What is going on with me?" I thought. And suddenly, there it was - the little inch of hope, creeping into my chest. "What if... the test was wrong? Or too early? What if I AM pregnant? That would explain all the weird symptoms I've been experiencing, right?" The whispers grew more insistent, and questions of possibility tugged and tugged at my mind. "I mean, I haven't felt cramping like I'm getting my period. Last cycle, I got my period at 12 DPO, but I haven't gotten it yet this cycle. My breasts are tender, right? Maybe... I should remain hopeful? Maybe I should take the approach of pregnant until proven otherwise?"
One of the most challenging parts of the TTC process has always been the inability to trust anything I'm feeling in my body. This vessel I typically know so well is all of a sudden a mysterious physical entity, planting seeds of doubt and hope throughout my heart in equal measure for weeks at a time. My body is playing tricks on me, and at the moment, I don't like it very much.
It wasn't until much later in the day that the grief started to set in. It was when I was serving Peanut her lunch that I suddenly said to S, "I'm feeling really sad." S confirmed that he was feeling the same way. My eyes filled with tears and I went off to the bathroom to have a little solitary cry. I carried the sadness with me for the rest of the day. It wasn't until S and I really processed it all that night that I started to feel some closure.
And yet, at the same time, I've been having a series of unusual physical experiences for several days. I have been extremely restless and haven't slept well for three nights now - a very rare occurrence for me. I've been feeling weird in my body, nauseous and awkward since last Friday. Food and coffee haven't been sitting right with me. Something has been off. While at work today, I felt sick to my stomach for most of the afternoon. I almost considered going home early. Nothing - not food, water, sweets or tea - made me feel any better.
"What is going on with me?" I thought. And suddenly, there it was - the little inch of hope, creeping into my chest. "What if... the test was wrong? Or too early? What if I AM pregnant? That would explain all the weird symptoms I've been experiencing, right?" The whispers grew more insistent, and questions of possibility tugged and tugged at my mind. "I mean, I haven't felt cramping like I'm getting my period. Last cycle, I got my period at 12 DPO, but I haven't gotten it yet this cycle. My breasts are tender, right? Maybe... I should remain hopeful? Maybe I should take the approach of pregnant until proven otherwise?"
One of the most challenging parts of the TTC process has always been the inability to trust anything I'm feeling in my body. This vessel I typically know so well is all of a sudden a mysterious physical entity, planting seeds of doubt and hope throughout my heart in equal measure for weeks at a time. My body is playing tricks on me, and at the moment, I don't like it very much.
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