Here We Go

S and I took the train together this morning to our old fertility clinic - two years to the month since Peanut was conceived.  It was a blue-skied, fresh Spring day, and the morning light made everything seem lovely and full of promise.  I felt butterflies in my belly as we walked the familiar block from the train to the clinic.  We met with our wonderful doctor again, who has since had her own little one.  She was so kind and supportive, and indulged us in our many stories about Peanut.

Everything about the meeting reassured us that the right time for us to move forward is NOW.  I'm excited and eager to start the process!   

8 Weeks, 4 Days

Last visit with our fertility clinic.  It was somewhat bittersweet - I've gotten very comfortable there, and I'm anxious about starting over with a new set of providers.  But it was great to see the ultrasound and the little blinking heartbeat again. 

The doctor today said everything was looking good.  He told me to transfer my medical records to the new provider, give our primary doctor at this clinic a call at 20 weeks, and to send a photo of the baby and let them know how the delivery went.  S and I looked at each other with wide eyes.  His words made it seem like the whole experience is going to go by really fast.  Only 220 days to go.

Professional Reassurance

I met with our primary doctor at the clinic this morning.  And she, more than anything, was incredibly reassuring.  I approached her with a long list of questions, and she answered them all with kindness and patience.  She studied my chart and declared that there were no particular flags that would indicate why I had not yet gotten pregnant.  "It's a numbers and odds game," she said.  She assured me that if we were a couple with access to unlimited sperm, I wouldn't have even been tested for infertility until after a year of trying.  She affirmed that we could, in fact, keep trying IUIs for a full year, if we had the financial capacity to do so.   Since others have reported successful pregnancies with our donor, we don't yet need to consider finding another one.  In fact, the only change she suggested was perhaps we could try doing two IUIs during a future cycle - one within 12 hours of using Ovidrel, and one within 36 hours.  That might increase our chances.

For the moment, we only have one vial left at the clinic, so we won't be able to try this approach until the next cycle.  But I left the clinic feeling much more optimistic than I did walking in.

Dueling Fiddles

I started out Cycle Day 10 with a visit to the clinic during morning monitoring hours.  Because it was again a Thursday morning, I had the luck of having the same doctor as last week meet with me to conduct an ultrasound.  She first took a look at my uterus, which she reported looked "very good," and then my right and left ovaries.  She took a moment to examine the various developing follicles in each ovary, commenting that she wouldn't use a higher dose of Clomid with me because it was clear it had been very effective.  My right ovary had a follicle that had "taken the lead" at the size of 14mm, one at 12mm, and several at 10mm and smaller.  My left ovary had a follicle at 13mm, and the rest were 10mm and smaller.  She instructed me to begin using ovulation predictor tests for the next four days, and if I got a positive, to come in the next day with S for our IUI.  She said if I didn't get a positive by Monday, that I should come in and she'd let me know what to do next.  I left the clinic grinning with excitement.  Our IUI will happen soon.

And all day long, I felt my follicles growing.  I felt cramping on the left, then cramping on the right, then cramping at the same time. I felt the activity more strongly than I ever have before, and all day long.  Left, right, left, right.  I grinned as my ovaries battled like dueling fiddles.  I heard the music in my mind.  I grinned as I tried to assess which ovary will eventually win out - which one will eventually produce the egg that will become our baby? 

Consultation #2

S and I were back at the clinic today for a follow up conversation with our primary doctor.  She reviewed my test results and reported she wanted to discuss a infertility diagnosis.  While my hormone levels looked okay, with a long history of anovulation and significant facial hair growth, she was diagnosing me with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, or PCOS.

I was simultaneously relieved and concerned.  It was nice to finally - FINALLY - have a name for my experience after all these years of irregular menstrual cycles and confusing visits to gynecologists and feeling so anxious that something was wrong with my body and I might not be able to conceive a child.  No wonder I wasn't able to chart my basal body temperature!  I had PCOS!  I wasn't a failure!

Immediately after our visit I went to the Internet and read all about the condition.  It was also a relief to know that my insurance would likely cover my services at the clinic with this diagnosis.

And at the same time - I was being diagnosed with infertility??  

The doctor confirmed that between my young age, my healthy test results, and the assistance of fertility meds, she thought our chances of conception were good. We should be able to start TTC as soon as I got my next period.  I decided to put the "I" word aside for the time being.

Initial Consultation

This morning S and I had a 45 minute appointment with our potential doctor at the fertility clinic. She sat down with us for a short interview and asked us information about each of our medical histories and our relationship history.  While we spoke, I glanced up at the certificates on her office wall.  I was pleasantly surprised to see that she had graduated from our own alma mater, the place we met and fell in love.  I knew instantly it was a sign.  I felt a surge of confidence that we are on our path, in the right place at the right time.

Once the doctor figured out I was on the third day of my very irregular menstrual cycle, she jumped to action.  She set up a general treatment plan for us (start the first IUI with donor sperm during my next cycle) and decided to do a transvaginal ultrasound before sending me off for a series of blood tests.  Again, the timing was perfect - these tests need to be done on the second/third day of the cycle, and we just happened to have our initial consultation on that very day.  I was grinning inside, once again feeling confident in the signs.  Not knowing the length of my menstrual cycles has been a constant struggle throughout my life, so for the timing to be so ideal at this particular moment felt particularly significant.

S and I left the clinic feeling hopeful and excited.  I was so relieved that after all these years of waiting, we are finally ready to move forward.