Just completed cycle 5.
All the vials we purchased last year are gone.
I used up my last pregnancy test.
It has officially been a year since we decided to try for baby #2.
I am still not pregnant.
We are at a crossroads.
There are so many factors playing into our decisions about what happens next.
Money. Time. Health. And emotions. So many emotions.
Grief.
Anger at myself and my body.
Jealousy of every friend, coworker and acquaintance preparing to have a second or third child.
Deep, deep sadness at knowing that Peanut may never have a sibling.
Confusion about how to keep moving forward toward our dreams.
Resistance to closing up this particular dream.
An overwhelming, pulsing desire to move to a new city.
Fear of change, of giving up what's currently known and comfortable.
Hope that because we want to raise another child, we will figure out how to do so.
