Letter to Peanut at One Month

Dearest Peanut,

Today is Valentine's Day, and today you are one month old!  Learning to be your parent has been an experience full of questions, fears and challenges, and yet, you have made it all so easy in some ways, so worthwhile.  Every day I spend time just staring at (and kissing) your beautiful face while feeling so grateful, so blessed, so amazed that you are actually here on this earth creating family with me and your papa. 

Peanut, you are an very chill little person.  You have a calm energy and presence.  Even when you're trying to communicate a need with us - you're hungry, you have belly pains, you need a diaper change, you're sleepy - you do it in a way that makes it feel possible for us to figure it out instead of making us feel panicked or overwhelmed.  Oh, you definitely know how to cry; in fact, you've got quite a set of lungs on you, and your voracious cries can go from zero to sixty in just a moment.  Especially when we change your diaper right before nursing - you clearly hate to wait! 

At one month, you are able to lift your head (you've got a surprisingly strong neck, kid - and you use it to lift your head up from our shoulders when you're fussy, or to resist binding when we try to put you in a sling), to look at and follow objects we hold near your face, to hold our gazes, to coo and make all kinds of little grunting noises.  You love to listen to music, and definitely pay attention when we play songs for you or sing to you to help you relax.  Here are some of the songs we've loved singing to you this past month:

• You Are My Sunshine
• Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
• Make You Feel My Love
• Somewhere Over the Rainbow

When you sleep, you make the sweetest and funniest faces and noises.  You have a strong internal clock and wake up to nurse every three hours on the dot, except at night.  That's when you nurse every four to five hours.  Thank you for that.  Even though it takes at least two hours of rocking, singing, shushing, bouncing, walking, and struggling to help you to fall back asleep at night, the fact that I can rest for a bit once you do finally go down is a big help.  You still spend most days sleeping, but have started to hang out with us, alert and awake, for a couple hours each day.

Sweet baby, my heart bursts with love and emotion when I carry you in my arms, when I feel your sleepy head rest on my shoulder, when you look at me with wide eyes and can clearly recognize who I am.  You've made me cry with joy on more than one occasion - and I'm not someone who typically expresses emotion easily.  You've stretched my heart in wonderful and unexpected ways.  I have never felt the kind of love, protectiveness, compassion, and patience I have felt in my relationship with you.  Thank you for a beautiful thirty days.

With love,
Your Mama