Letter to Peanut at 4 Months

Dear little one,

It is remarkable to me that it has only been a month since I wrote your last letter.  In that span of time, you have developed an incredible number of new skills, the most exciting of which is that you are now LAUGHING!  Heartily, excitedly, and with some regular frequency.  Sometimes Papa and I will be laughing about a joke (like this morning, when our kitty cat somehow figured out how to turn on the lamp by himself!) and I look down and realize you are laughing along with us.  Your first laugh was with me, in response to me squealing "my baaaabyyyyy" to you in an increasingly high pitched voice.  You since have loved when we blow raspberries on your belly, or when people lift you up and down with big smiles on their faces.

During the past month you:

• Learned to roll to one side (usually from right to left)
• Grasped things and held onto them for a while (it's amazing watching you hold on to your pacifier, pull it out of your mouth, and then attempt to get it back in your mouth.  You can't usually do it, but you make a good effort!)
• Put toys in your mouth (typically by moving your head toward the toy with your mouth wide open)
• Grew out of newborn sized clothing and Size 1 diapers 
• Woke up!  You suddenly became an energized, awake, observant and active infant.  You continued to be a pretty relaxed and happy baby, even though you...
• ...began to exhibit some stranger anxiety.  Now when an unfamiliar person picks you up, you stare at them, give them a huge, sad pout, and start wailing!

Your favorite toy this month was a little stuffed ladybug you wore on your wrist.  You stared at it intently and put it in your mouth.  When it was not there, you would stare at your arm for long minutes as if waiting for it to appear.  We joked that you must have thought it was a part of your body!

This month featured a big transition in our lives.  I returned to work full-time, and Papa began his parental leave and is now staying home with you until mid-July.  I definitely felt some major sadness (and sleep deprivation since for the three nights prior, you barely slept) the first day I left you, but thanks to wonderful coworkers, I was welcomed back at my office with much support.  It felt good to reconnect with the part of myself that is fulfilled by my job.  And Papa was incredibly compassionate; he sent me lots of photos of you and made me feel like I was still a part of your day.  Shockingly, when I returned home after work, I put you to bed and you slept through the night.  Fully.  From 9pm - 6am.  With no waking to be held or fed.  We couldn't believe it!  Since then, you've continued to be a pretty solid sleeper.  You'll still fuss, cry, and wake up several times between 8:30 and 11pm, but after that you sleep consistently until the morning. 

The fact that I'm not home with you every day is made easier knowing you and Papa have three months of quality time (and warmer weather) together.  I appreciate having a job I enjoy and because I do, I come home to you excited, energized, and wanting to make the most of our precious hours together.  Still, I miss you and worry about what I'll miss during the 50 hours a week I'm not by your side.  I hope someday we'll figure out a way to have more balance.

A few days ago we celebrated my first Mama's Day.  It was a beautiful opportunity for me to reflect on our four months together.  There are few ways for me to explain and describe how good it feels to play with you, cuddle you, and hold you in my arms.  You have expanded my heart.  I feel so lucky, so grateful, so blessed that after so many months and years of dreaming of you, you are finally here.

With love,
Your Mama