Choosing family

S and I both grew up in small, tightly knit families and, with our siblings, witnessed our parents facing their day-to-day struggles largely on their own, without the daily support of family - biological or chosen.  While the circumstances were different for each of us, neither had godparents, grandparents, aunts, cousins, or close family friends around to guide or teach us, to tell us that we were loved and supported by more than just our immediate bio family.  "We've only got each other," was a lesson we both learned from our parents early in life.  And while we've held on to that sense of loyalty and dedication to our families into adulthood, it's also something we've both worked to - and had to - unlearn, out of necessity and survival.

When I was coming out as queer over ten years ago, it wasn't my bio family that was there for me.  It was my chosen family - those wonderful, wise and loving friends with whom I came of age, found my political voice, and explored my identity in the world.  When the ties between me and my bio family were strained and unraveling, when I faced the threat of being disowned, my friends became the people who knew me best.  They held me through some of the toughest, scariest, most painful and most challenging moments of my early 20's, without judgment or criticism, without rejection or abandonment.  My chosen family made it truly easy for me to play with labels and gender expressions, to date women and men, and from them, I experienced only understanding and freedom.  And I have continued to build an amazing, supportive chosen family throughout my adulthood.  I've learned that it's not only by birth and blood that I can experience fierce, unconditional love and loyalty in my life.  That I have choices about with whom I can build a family, that I can surround myself with people who will be there for me and love me unconditionally.

During the past two weeks, S and I finally - finally! - shared the news of our pregnancy with  our chosen family.  The response has been sweet and overwhelmingly loving.  It has gotten me excited about the pregnancy all over again, but this time, in a way that fills up my heart with confidence and reassurance.  Any bit of doubt I've been carrying that our little one will have enough love, guidance and support to navigate this world and to know that he or she matters has evaporated with every excited text message, email, phone call and hug I received in this past week.  I am grateful to our chosen family for supporting our choices and our dreams, for being so ready to welcome our little one into the world.

Also in the past two weeks, this blog went "live" and is now open to friends known and unknown all over the world wide web.  Again, I want to say thank you to those who are reading about and supporting our journey toward parenthood.  While I think going public induced a bit of anxiety and writer's block for me (hence the week-long silence), I'm determined to keep on documenting and sharing our experience here.

Thanks for reminding us that we've got more than just each other.  We are not alone, and in fact, we are connected to and loved by gracious, generous people from all over the country.  Thanks for the encouragement and blessings.