OB Meet n' Greet

I've been spending a lot of time perusing various websites trying to decide on an OB and where it is we want to give birth.  There has been one practice - two doctors running a small, personalized pre-natal shop - that has been on my radar since before we were even pregnant.  They were recommended by a local LGBT website, and every time I review their services and look at their baby blog, I get a good feeling about them.

So this evening, S and I traveled far uptown in the pouring rain to attend a no-charge "meet n' greet" with the two doctors.  I arrived before S, so I sat down in the cozy, well-appointed waiting room and tried to get a feel for the place.  After a few minutes, Doctor One joined me in the waiting room.  She started with, "so what brings you to our practice?"

"Well, I'm pregnant," I began.  "And I came across your website on a local LGBT website."  She looked pleased.

"Yes," she said, "we work with all kinds of people here."  We talked a little bit about my work and how old I am, and then she asked me about my partner.  "So tell me about your partner," she said.  "What does she do?"

"Um, well... uh... my partner is a transgender man,"I stumbled.  "He should actually be here shortly."  I studied her face.  I told her about his work.

"So, tell me about that.  He was a woman and is now a man?"

"Yes, female to male," I affirmed.

"And how long has he been living as a man?"

"Over ten years."

"And did you meet before or after that time?"

"After," I said, feeling put-off by her line of inquiry. There was something about the look in her eyes, the high-pitched tone of her voice, the fact that we had already spent more time talking about S being trans than about me being pregnant that just wasn't sitting right with me.

"Well, here at our practice, we are like a big tent," she said.  "We work with transgender people, conservative Christians, people in their 50's... all kinds of people come here."

At that moment, S came running in the door, apologizing for being late.  He gave me a kiss, sat down, and squeezed my hand.  The doctor continued.  "I was just telling your partner here that we are like a big tent here," she told S.  "We work with transgender people, conservative Christians, people in their 50's..."

Doctor Two walked into the room, shook our hands, and sat down.

"So this is a transgender couple," said Doctor One," and I was just telling them that we are like a big tent here."  She reiterated the list of "unique" populations they serve.  She then began to check her Blackberry.  Doctor Two began to talk with us and asked us what questions we had about their practice.  He was much more at ease with us, relaxed and casual.  Doctor One excused herself to make a phone call.  Doctor Two addressed our concerns about the fact that the clinic and hospital are pretty far away from where we live, and encouraged us to think about having a doula present at the birth.  We talked for fifteen or twenty minutes.  Doctor One never came back.

After the visit, S and I agreed that this was not the practice for us.  "If she said that line about the tent one more time..." I said.

"A CIRCUS tent, is what she meant!" S laughed.  "Don't worry, we're used to freak shows here!"

We realized it really isn't important to us that the doctors with whom we work see themselves as allies to queer folks.  We don't want to become anyone's diversity case.  We want competent doctors who are kind, knowledgable, supportive, and are focused on our pregnancy, not our identities.  Tomorrow, we'll be going back to the drawing board.  Tonight, we're still laughing, albeit somewhat uncomfortably, about the big top performance we witnessed uptown.