S and I were with my family this weekend for a wedding – we planned on breaking the news to them on Saturday at some point between the morning wedding and the nighttime reception. Somehow, the day came and went, and we didn’t find the space to have a private conversation. But neither S nor I wanted to leave without sharing the news, so in the few minutes before we left the house for my parents to drop us off at the train station, we decided to just do it. Just like ripping off a band-aid.
They were sitting at the kitchen table watching the morning news when I announced, “before we leave, we have something we want to give you.” I turned off the TV. Then I handed them a card that S and I had prepared. It said “Congratulations!” on the outside. Inside, it had a photo of our positive pregnancy test, followed by the words: “You’re going to be grandparents! Baby X due on January 24, 2013.”
Mom and Pop looked at the card.
“Seriously?!” Pop said with confusion. “When is it due?”
“It’s on the card!” I said. “January 24th.”
They kept looking at the card, and then back at us. The news seemed to take them more by surprise than either S or I were expecting. I guess we had never really had a conversation with them – ever – about the fact that we wanted a family and would be trying soon after our wedding. While family planning has consumed me for two years, this was really the first they were hearing about it.
S walked over to Pop. “Give me a hug!” he said. Pop gave him some kind of awkward pat on the back, still in a daze. Mom got up and gave me a hug with tears in her eyes. “Congratulations,” she said.
As the news sunk in over the next few minutes, Pop began to ask questions. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl? Are you having any morning sickness? Have you thought about names? Are you taking sufficient iron?” We piled into the car to rush to the train station. “Are you going to stay in your apartment? Do you know if you have lead paint? When can I put the news on Facebook?” Mom was quiet during the whole drive.
We arrived at the train station. Pop gave me a big hug. Mom did too. She said, “if you get any cravings, let me know and I can make some home-cooked food for you.”
It was basically the only thing she said about the news. And it the most moving, validating experience for me to hear it. The look in her eyes told me that she was thinking deeply about her own experience with pregnancy. She wanted to share it with me. I felt joy and relief.
When S and I got home, we rushed out to celebrate Pride 2012. We happened to be standing next to a queer couple with an adorable 8-month old baby at the Pride parade. “Next year,” said S, “that could be us. Celebrating with our little queer family.” We grinned at each other, imagining our future.
It was such a full, beautiful, emotional day. While I know my parents will likely not ever march in a Pride parade with PFLAG like other parents, or publicly embrace our status as a queer couple, they have done SO MUCH work to be able to be a part my life, a life that they never even imagined possible when they were raising me. Even if they can't say it directly, I know they are genuinely happy for us and for themselves; they will love and support their grandchild in brave and powerful ways. To hold that knowledge in my heart while cheering on equally brave, out queer folks and families was an incredible feeling. S and I are blessed beyond words. And so, too, will be our beautiful baby.
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